Thursday, June 4, 2020

Humility—A Relational Game Changer

“I’m thankful for the ability to give life, to pursue hearts, to honor God as we sacrifice time, self, energy and finances to see the next generation of young Ugandans believe that God is their Father and is worthy of their lives.”

Those are the words I effortlessly wrote in answer to a question in a cross-cultural debriefing book I’m utilizing.

In our thirteen years in Uganda there were multiple benefits as well as many stressors on our minds, emotions, bodies and family life.

In all the examination I’ve done lately of our time at New Hope Uganda, I often get bogged down remembering the stressors we lived under. I relive negative emotions as I review, analyze and scrutinize events and disappointments we experienced. There are times when looking back becomes overwhelming and I have to step away for a short time from the process. In it all though, I’ve found that trudging through memories, even when painful, helps illuminate numerous opportunities and successes we had in impacting lives—despite our shortcomings. I’m thankful. And I want to express my thanks to God for the unique treasure of living cross-culturally among people whom we now consider family. 

In fact, the question following the one I answered above asked how I would choose to express my thankfulness to my Creator in response to the cross-cultural life I lived in Uganda.  I choose to express through writing. Writing helps me often gain understanding and peace.

With regrets and disappointments come a reframing, by His sovereignty as I humbly go to Him, of both the past and the future. Sometimes the mistakes made glare and sting, but God’s forgiveness and ability to make something out of nothing bring hope and a laying down of missed opportunities and failures. Some would call it letting go and letting God—letting Him speak to me of His ways coming to pass, even when I can’t seem to comprehend or see all the good that was actually wrought through trial.

At first my “Thank You God,” may not appear to align with traditional-type praise, but His work through difficult experiences yields His good—in me and others.

Thank you LORD for the rejection we experienced by the young one who hated us for crossing her will. We now see that the rejection we felt was minuscule compared to what orphans carry in their hearts, but feeling it opened our eyes and hearts to the very real hurt felt deep, deep within by those to whom we had come to minister. There was no opening of her heart afforded us. We could do nothing of our own power to cultivate restoration. Every time I saw her my heart sank, then quickened, as You drew me again to prayer, the only activity that made headway toward positive change. Change did not quickly appear. I learned to truly rely on Your promise that You hear prayer and act for good. Now, years later there is vibrancy and life in our relationship because of Your faithful nurturing of her heart. But, if I hadn’t taken my hands off the situation and accepted the call to pray, such would not be. In all of it You intensified my understanding that You are the Savior and I am not.

Thank you God for our “accident spot” which reminds me each and every time we pass it to offer up thanks and praise to You for our lives. When we approached the corner and saw the massive, speeding charcoal lorry on our side of the road I quietly said, “God.” Our lives were truly in Your hands and in that moment I was calm and Geoff was able to steer us mostly out of a worse accident. That was Your miracle work. Still, it overturned on us, dumping most of its overloaded contents onto our windshield, trapping me, breaking Kevin’s leg and lacerating his face. You brought friends from many places to the site in record time with just the tools we needed to pry out my legs (though we hadn’t asked for the iron bar they brought, they said they heard us speak the request!) You gave Geoff adept Luganda to communicate effectively, so much so that one of our Ugandan friends marveled that Geoff was speaking it so well and clear. But, my anger got the best of me when I looked up, bloodied face, and still trapped to see a random onlooker taking my photo. I yelled at him which alerted Geoff, who took the man’s phone and threw it far across the road. It was not our most stellar moment, nor was it when once at the local hospital I firmly and impatiently directed the health care personnel exactly how to start my IV. But, God Your forgiveness is always at the ready and even now humbles me when I think back to our accident. So many more stories within this one could be shared. You never fail us. I learned that regardless of the circumstances You ARE faithful and sovereign. It was not our time to die. I will not fear death for you are LORD over all.
The faithful return of irises and peonies each year speak of your faithfulness and sovereignty over all your creation, as well as the touch of splendor you give to your creation.

New life and restoration are clearly seen in what you’ve made God.


Thank you God for the girl who lied to us repeatedly and even accused us of not loving her, when we quietly took her aside and asked her if we could walk alongside her when we suspected she was pregnant. Months later, when the pregnancy was obvious, she remained estranged from us. 

The lies and rejection hurt, but I was determined to forgive despite my hurt and anger. I relentlessly prayed for four months to You God to help me let go of bitterness and forgive. Sometimes it seemed like a cement blockade that would never wear down, but You worked a miracle in my heart and I forgave her. The next time she came to our house I spoke honestly, lovingly, and forthrightly of my love for her and forgiveness of her deceitful and rejecting behavior even before she expressed regret for her actions. The relationship is restored. I’m thankful that I learned in that situation that though forgiveness is hard for me to extend on my own, when I come to You God asking You to help me, You heal my heart.

And, thank You God for the young lady who angrily left New Hope stating that she didn’t need anyone, who within six months was pregnant, unwed and being beaten. Two more children and one more abusive man later, she lives as a single mom trying to make a way through the struggle.

Now, years later our relationship has been repaired. The journey has taught me faith and hope and to respond to Your invitation to relentlessly pray with expectation for life-giving change despite what situations look like on the surface. Growth, maturing, and focus in a current relationship of mutual respect has forged a platform of Your mercy and grace.

Furthermore, how can I ever forget to thank You for the severe disappointment of a young man’s seemingly wasted life? Theft, lying, deceit, arrests, and multiple scams utilized to siphon funds off the unsuspecting cultivated distrust and suspicion. With multiple children birthed to various women— all while refusing to return home to family and friends who were begging him to return, there is perpetuation of the orphan crisis, the very crisis which brought him to New Hope Uganda all those years ago.

To date, we are still walking in a level of separation from this young man. There has not been confession, repentance, or restoration on his part, despite our expressed love for him. This heartbreak is a current professor teaching my scarred heart to truly let God be God over one who will not allow others into his pain. This walk of prayer and hope for his life strengthens me in reliance on You God, who sees and knows the hearts of all men and desires them to come into a life-giving relationship with You. I know Your love for him goes phenomenally deeper than I can imagine. Your love humbles me.
The beauty of this newly opened peony in our current yard is brilliant, but pales in comparison to the beauty of God’s love for each one of us.


Thank you for the times my words were misunderstood by others. Sometimes it was by Ugandans, sometimes by the British, and sometimes by other Americans. I learned to humbly not seek my own defense or put up an endless string of words of explanation. Again, to let go and trust Your hand Lord to bring the truth to bear in Your time, even if at all. Being misunderstood doesn’t always destroy relationships, it merely gives insight for the next inevitable encounter. Difficult interactions reveal that we are all in need of Your forgiveness and mercy.


Yet, for the times when misunderstandings and a misread of motives HAVE destroyed relationships, also, Thank You. You see the bigger picture that is veiled by our wounded hearts. So, yes, thank You for that year when so many failed to see clearly and instead left bitter, angry and with an appetite for vengeance.

Each and every time vengeance rears its ugliness there is again opportunity to breathe deep and revisit the forgiveness that You’ve enabled me to extend even though in a wounded state. I’m still learning humility and forgiveness. Thank You for the opportunities to release myself to You. In hindsight we can see things we could have done differently and from that comes a honing and improvement in the execution of this Kingdom walk.

In release comes growth and a deepening of my relationship with You.

Thank you for my multiple (too numerous to list!!) cultural faux pas which sometimes were simply laughable, but other times brought division, hurt, pain and misunderstanding. I was required to daily maintain a humble stance toward my fellow staff, the children to whom we ministered and my own family. How many times did I have to speak my acknowledgement that I’d done wrong and ask for restoration of relationship? I’ve lost count. To walk in humility is a miracle act for my heart desires the opposite. As I look back at my mistakes and blunders I see the same challenges of my proud heart shining these days— in America. No matter where I am, the lesson of humility is a journey never complete. “Seek the LORD while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked turn from his way, and the unrighteousness man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.” I’m still learning this lesson and still reminding myself daily to return to the LORD for mercy and pardon.

Without those years of daily, dire need to seek forgiveness for my sin, I might not be as keen as I am now to perpetually desire to make things right. I will never be above needing my LORD’s help with forgiveness, for I am still an imperfect, proud human needing daily realization of His perfection and ability to heal me in the midst of relationship with other humans!

Above all let me remember LORD that Your thoughts are not my thoughts and Your ways are not my ways. Yours are higher, I seek to rise to You. Thank You that when I draw near to You and ask for help, You are always willing to draw near to me and give the help I need.

How could I ever go a day and NOT say THANK YOU? These and many more hard experiences have deepened my reliance on You and my faith and hope in Your ways. Thank You.

Thank You LORD for this time of looking back. It has helped me realize how much change You’ve brought to my heart. You’re clearly in the business of changing lives. Thank You.

1 comment:

Heidi said...

Thank you for opening and sharing your heart. To God be the glory! I'm thankful to get to walk with you in this season.