This Time

There is a movie I watched many years ago, but occasionally it still haunts me. And of late, in this unexpected circumstance we humans find ourselves in worldwide, the theme disturbs me.

The film is driven thematically with giving the ultimate sacrifice of self in the most extreme way possible—death. 

I awakened a few nights ago with “Seven Pounds” which stars Will Smith, interrupting me. Immediately my mind questioned, “am I giving enough of myself.” “Enough.” What amount is enough? What effort is enough? What energy is enough? Who decides what is enough? Is anything I give ever going to be enough?

In this current global season, in which we are almost all curtailed in our physical, in-person interaction with others, numerous sources encourage us to not let this time be wasted. Spiritual leaders challenge us to see this God-given moment as an opportunity to go deeper and give ourselves to Him. Even I have started a number of times to write blogs with the intention of encouraging us to not fritter away this time, but instead utilize this time to go deeper in relationship with God.

The thought is good, and should definitely be explored. But, on its heels comes the clamoring pressure to make sure I am giving enough of myself to the time I’ve been afforded. Suddenly, the pressure to maximize distorts genuine motive to simply seek God and rest in His presence.

The sweetness of having more time to read and study the Bible, to pray, to listen to what God has to say gets muddled up with me asking if I’m giving enough time for such during this unprecedented opportunity of worldwide slowdown.

So, I want God’s wisdom on it, not my self-induced pressure to maximize every moment, possibly wrought with wrong motives.

And yet, even with possible misplaced motives I know from experience that God’s Word powerfully gives peace, wisdom, strength, joy, focus, purpose and security among other benefits. And that should be enough for me.  Spending time during this unusual season of the corona virus “shelter in place” to read and study God’s Word means it will sit deep in me and direct who I am, how I think, how I react and how I thrive in the months and years to come. I want to be moved by God’s Word most of all, so I am going to give time to letting his word mold and shape me.

In the future when struggles or pressures come, I want to have a deep well of His truth to draw instantaneously from within me. 

So, now is the time and for that I am grateful. 

I don’t want to worry if I’ve given enough, I want to simply be thankful that I have this time to sit at His feet and listen to His truth. I don’t want to ridicule myself if I spend less time on one day than another. One step at a time. One day at a time. I don’t want to cave to pressure to reach some self-prescribed or other-suggested amount of depth, but I desire to give myself to just spending time with Father God.

I pray you also are able to spend time with Him, to rest in Him and to go deeper as He directs you.

—Mary