THOUGHTS FROM RECOVERY

It has been an interesting three weeks. I have experienced God in some new ways and I can’t say all of them have been enjoyable, but God has made His presence clear and powerful.  Three weeks ago marked about two months of suffering from what appeared to be a sore in my mouth.  As usual when I have some sort of ailment I commit it to prayer and try to relax in the knowledge of God’s goodness.  Well, after about six weeks the thing continued to give me pain and actually seemed to be increasing.  Mary agreed we would try a round of antibiotics, something I usually keep as a last resort.  Well a number of days later we saw no change which indicates no need for the antibiotics, but here in Africa could mean a number of other things.  Since eating was becoming difficult I thought ok I guess I can go to the Dr., again something I really choose only to do as a last resort.  

We took a day and went into Kampala to see the Dr. and take care of a little business while there.  Well, the Dr. was concerned that it did not appear to be a sore, but some sort of growth.  He referred me to a ear, nose and throat friend of his with the good news that he was available that day.  So we went across town and by 4:30 were in his office.  This Dr. too was a little concerned and said actually we needed to quickly take care of this things through surgery.  We booked the O.R. the next Wednesday.  WOW! what has this turned into?  Immediately the mind begins to run to all kind of nonsense, might this be cancer?  Do I have a real problem that has gone undetected for long?   The past few months have included a number of other people and family members facing cancer, car accidents, heart attack and even death.  The mortality we all face as we grow older was suddenly there before my face.  But amazingly I could feel the reassuring presence of my God encouraging me that “MY LIFE WAS IN HIS HANDS”.  We went home that evening and told the kids that I would be needing surgery and we should be praying.  I was not quick to tell many people around New Hope as generally people worry and besides God had encouraged me that my life was in His hands, thus no need to worry.

The surgery required me to go under anesthesia which I have never done, but again I had my word from God.  As I went under I could feel the peace of God and apparently the Dr. and nurses could see the same.  Upon waking, it was as if only a few seconds had passed, yet it was over four hours.  Even upon waking, the peace of God was overwhelming.  Later in the evening the Dr. gave us the news that the growth was not normal, but seemed to be made up of many hard strings or smaller growths spread throughout out the tonsil.  Something to worry about? But again he commented that it was obvious that I had something calming me through the whole process, what was it he asked.  A word from my God, My life was in His hands.  Now comes the next process of waiting, the biopsy would take one week.  That week was probably the hardest part of this whole process, the pain that I was experiencing was unbearable.  No matter what I did, sit up, lie down, sit still or walk around the pain was incredible and medicines didn’t seem to do anything to bring relief.  

In the nights I lacked sleep and they actually proved the greatest test of my faith.  And I must admit I failed the test.  In my lowest point one night after four nights without sleep and constant pain I found myself questioning God and what I was passing through.  If this was cancer how could I endure?  If this pain from the surgery was enough to finish me then how could I endure the long and painful struggle with anything worse?  But God’s amazing grace is enough to sustain us. Despite my lack of faith I found God speaking the same word to me, “YOUR LIFE IS IN MY HANDS”.  Just like the man with the epileptic son, Jesus heard his cry to help his unbelief God injected me again with His faith. As we passed the next few days the pain began to reduce and we continued to wait for the biopsy results.  

Friday we went into Kampala to meet the Dr. and receive the lab results from Kenya.  No cancer!  Praise God!  But the amazing thing is that as we received the news, I didn’t feel the immense relief that Mary and many others experienced.  Why? Because all along I knew my life was in His hands.  Whatever the outcome my encouragement wasn’t that I was going to live, but that He had my life and I was His.  What a greater security can we have in this life?  The reality is that most of us find our security in life and the things of this world.  Our fulfillment comes through earthly experiences not the knowledge of our maker and experiencing Him. Where is your faith?  In this life or in God’s plan for you?

We fight to do what we can to protect ourselves or our loved ones.  To prepare life to keep us happy and sustain us into our old age.  What can we really do?  Even in America where we say we have the best health care, life insurance, 401Ks, the best police force and the highest standard of living, life is still fragile.  We try our best to create security but in reality the only security any of us can have is in our Maker.  Riches, poverty, sickness or health.  Not even life or death can threaten that security.  And the last few weeks have been a testimony to me personally that all the days of my life, that which is most important is I remain in His hands.