I've been thinking about time. There is the phrase, "time heals" which is too vague and evasive for general application. Sure, the passage of time allows a physical wound to heal as the body attacks the foreign invaders and recovers itself . . .and perhaps some agree that over time the impact and damage of emotional wounds soften and heal, but I would not be one to agree. Time only provides distance from the original emotional blow--not true healing. In fact, a wound that is undealt with only festers and invades other areas that might have remained healthy had the hurt been addressed. The only way to heal emotional wounds is to let God deal directly with them. In the same way He provides us with an avenue for our bodies to physically heal (white blood cells, new cell growth) He Himself provides us with His strength and healing when we allow Him to work His ways into our hearts. His way for emotional healing is forgiveness of the one(s) who dealt the crippling blow. Through forgiveness true healing occurs and the miracle of emotional health is possible. I call it a miracle because the amount of emotional damage each one of us experiences in life is indeed crippling unless we forgive. Yes, God's ways are miraculous and dependable. Forgive.
There is another aspect of time that intrigues me in specific regard to living here among orphans and their emotional wounds. With the passage of time as we've lived here at New Hope I have observed some circumstantial truths. Their wounds of rejection and abandonment fester into mistrust, guardedness and a severe distancing of themselves from most people. They may smile and laugh, engage you in light conversation, sit quietly and respectfully in class and family devotions, but those behaviors only hide the emotional damage that lives underneath the surface. Time does not heal those wounds and thus the interaction of the children with those who desire to love and help them is stunted. The staff here is varied: 80% Ugandans, 20% Westerners; some have been here for more than 20 years, some more than ten, some less than five, and many "short-termers" (less than two years--some only a few months). There is a marked difference in the way the children accept long-term and short-term staff. The mistrust looms large in their behavior towards short-term staff. Rarely do they "let into their heart" a short-term staff member. And here is my observation in relation to our specific experience here at New Hope. We were kept at an emotional distance by the children during our first 18 months here. When we returned to New Hope in early 2008 after our first furlough home we were met with squeals of delight and shrieks of "YOU CAME BACK!!!!!!" I was puzzled. We told them we were only going to be in the U.S. for a few weeks and then would return. "Of course! We said we would come back!" "BUT YOU DID!!!!! YOU CAME BACK!!" Ahhhhhhhh, we had to prove ourselves--we did what we said we would do and we showed our commitment by actually returning. We moved to the next level . . .
Now that we have been here for more than three years I see that our relationships have deepened to even another level. The children trust us more, talk more deeply with us, share their struggles and ask for prayer. And lately I've been reflecting on the fact that with some of the girls my relationship has deepened as a result of TIME. The time I've taken to drive them and sit with them during numerous visits to an ailing grandmother, to the burial of same grandma, to the village to check on another's grandma who didn't show up to a required meeting. We found her sick and thankful we came to check on her. The time I've taken to pray with them over their struggles in school and in familial relationships; the time we've shared looking into God's word for the answers to challenges; the time we spent laughing and screaming as we hunt for green mamba snakes in the pit latrine/shower house; the time we sit together and, well, just sit together.
Yes, time heals, but not void of activity. There must be activity, but not just busy-ness. It is the activity of love--shown over time and demonstrated in the commitment of being there for them in the times of life that require extra strength and prayer.
I'm grateful to God for the TIME He has given us here and I trust His perfect TIMING in however many days, months and years He will have us here.
Our Thanksgiving was quite different than we'd planned! All of the Americans were to meet and bring potluck dishes to the guest house for a yummy meal including fresh turkey. But yesterday our kids all came down with a stomach yuck: 1st kevin, then Toby and in the middle of the night, Acacia. We've been busy all day running them to the bathroom and cleaning up messes. Sorry to be so truthful. They are improving, but not enough to enjoy the meal with our fellow Americans. Here are the pictures of them sleeping the day away.
