"You are loved."

I have been in California, and more significantly, not in Uganda for 21 days. "They" say that if you wish to establish a new habit, give it 21 days and it will be yours.

 I'm thinking I like the habit of: convenience--what do I need or want? It is nearby, usually within walking distance; understanding everything people are saying as they pass me by (for the most part); drinking frequent cups of amazing coffee and other sweet beverages😉; laughing with my sisters and mom, eating oodles of Mexican fare; driving, in which the majority of fellow traffic participants are following the rules, or at least staying in the lines (!)--there are lines on the road, hallelujah!; taking walks every morning on a lengthy path accompanied by fall colors, towering trees, turkeys, winding streams, woodpeckers and birdsong; and last, but most important, receiving numerous chiropractic treatments which are aiding me in the healing process. Yes, I could get used to this!!!!

BUT, and everybody has a big . . . No, I won't say it.

But, I have all of these wonderful, habit-forming treats without my family. And that, my friends, is an overwhelming drawback.

I am surrounded by people, but I get lonely. I am smiling as I receive my grande decaf americano, but feeling sad that I am not sipping it with MY people. It is impossible to thoroughly enjoy that masterpiece of a burger without my 14 year-old Toby who would be going on and on about how it is the BEST burger he ever had. Shopping is not as enjoyable without my 12 year-old Acacia. She has a knack for finding gorgeous, hot pink shoes. Odd instances are missing Kevin's added take on the event, complete with funny voices and facial expressions. It is silent in my evenings without Sam talking about basketball or something else from his day. And mostly I miss Geoff. I guess this is one of those "worse" times in the "for better or worse" I confessed before hundreds.

However, I won't lie to you. I was ready for a break. A break from Uganda, from the seemingly relentless demands. Not sure I could accurately analyze why, but I was BEYOND ready.

Was it the chronic pain of the last few months? Walking the long and difficult cancer care road with Ketty? The stress and stolen time from our lives due to others' pungent discontent? Observing how the process of adoption for three different and all very dear friends hits road block after road block? The extra steps it takes there just to live daily life? The increase in good-byes that we've said lately to so many?

Yes. All of the above and certainly more that lurk below my radar.

Not too long after I arrived in Roseville for treatment, I was walking on the trail near the house where I am staying. I had walked about a mile and was contemplating many of the things I mentioned above. I was trying, but failing, to not let sadness overcome me.

The rising sun burned my eyes as I attempted to view the tree tops, so I turned my gaze to the path. A very tangible reminder of why I am blessed, even in all these things, was chalked onto the trail in front of me. "You are loved."

My God loves me. My family loves me. My friends love me. And God Himself had orchestrated for me this time in Roseville.

On the days when the pain is intense, I remember, I am loved. He is good, all the time. Even now when I get lonely and sad, or cry because the pain isn't completely gone yet, I am comforted by remembering that I am loved.

And He added blessing upon blessing for me this past weekend.

Last Wednesday I left Roseville and drove 20 minutes north to Lincoln where I spent time with my dear, dear friend Pat. She had flown out from Texas to visit me and two other friends. I have know her for 33 years. We talked and talked, prayed and laughed and shared previously untold stories from our lives. Her friend in Lincoln turned out to be the mother of someone who was in my same class at Pepperdine, and I had met her a number of times before. We fell easily into conversation.

On Thursday Pat and I drove two more hours north to the small town of Magalia, where we stayed with her good friends of more than 50 years! I also knew the wife of this couple as she had hosted Geoff and I for a private tour and wine tasting at Mondavi vineyards years ago when we were first dating. The weekend was rich with conversation, good food, laughter, encouragement and perspective. While I was with these ladies I celebrated my 52nd birthday away from my family, but I was not alone. Their love and wisdom, stories and friendship filled me and reminded me again that I am loved.

There was a sign placed in the bathroom Pat and I shared, "write your hurts in the sand, carve your blessings in stone." I'll never forget that, but might fail to follow through with its instruction. I hope that even through my current and future pains I will let the hurts go and make monuments to every blessing.

I have another 10 days before I see Geoff and the kids again. I also have 9 days to swim in my recently reacquired habits, and I intend to thoroughly soak in as much as possible.

As you remember, please pray for my healing, and more importantly my attitude during the process. I tend toward impatience and discouragement. Pray for Geoff who is holding down the entire fort and then some. Pray for the kids as they navigate days without mom's presence. Thanks.

"You are loved."