The Other Side of "Peachy Keen"

A few months ago I received the following sentiment tucked in an email from a long-time friend:

“Hey Mary - Hope you are doing as well as the newsletters sound :).” 

I assured her that life was as peachy-keen as the newsletters sounded--they don’t lie. We love what we do and are thankful and happy for the life we live in Uganda.

But, I had an experience this past week that was anything but enjoyable. So, in a transparent attempt to draw you into the varied aspects of life here in Uganda, let me share the OTHER side with you. It is a side that, quite frankly, doesn’t show it’s ugliness very often, and for that I am grateful. 

Here’s how it went down. 

As most of you know I spent the fourth week of May in Kenya with Aunt Ketty Okoth while she underwent her third week of radiation and chemotherapy treatments. It was a full week of meeting new people, navigating her care and the traffic of Nairobi, and summing up the week by getting all the finances and handover instructions in order for the staff member following me. I boarded the “Easy Coach” at 7 a.m. on Sunday the 18th and we departed Nairobi, all 33 of the passengers bound for Kampala, Uganda--a mere 13-15 hours away. The exact amount of travel time depends on the roads traversed, weather conditions, bus driver capability, other drivers (i.e. accidents on the road), inevitable jams due to subpar road conditions, and the timeliness of other passengers getting back to the bus after the visit to the facilities. So many variables--most of which I anticipated. 

One of which I did not.

We arrived at the Uganda/Kenya border in Busia sometime in the 4 p.m. hour. I’d been on a bus all day and I knew I had a few more hours, so the exact time wasn’t too important to me at that point. The police officers checked our luggage and pointed us to the immigration windows for our document check. I had made friends with the people sitting near me and we noticed one line was moving WAY faster than the other and made sure we got in the quick one. Indeed, the immigration officer in our line was completing the check on about five people in the same time it took the other officer to check only one person. When I handed my passport to the officer she began turning pages, but I assured her I had opened to the page with my most recent stamp. She kept perusing the entire passport. When I told her again that my most recent stamp was on page 11 she glanced at me and kept flipping pages. Then she said something about it not being acceptable and told me she’d have to get her supervisor. Guess who was her supervisor . . . yup, mr. inefficient in the other line. I don’t think the man had a grasp on the reality that he had a job because of us---he acted like everyone in his line, which now included me, were an interference on his personal time. He, without any emotion whatsoever, told me that my stamp was not valid for entering the country and I’d have to pay $50, end of story. “Next,” suddenly he was very interested in helping people in his line. I explained that I did not have $50 or any way to get $50. “Well, then you’ll have to stay in Kenya until you can pay. Next.” I looked at his colleague who actually showed compassion in her eyes. I began to tear up and said, “I was told by immigration that this stamp was ok for travel. It was given to me last week as an extension in order that I could make this very trip.” Mr. Personality responded, “Well, I’m an immigration officer, too, and I’m telling you it’s not valid.” My tears were turning into a river, “BUT I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND I DON’T HAVE $50! LET ME GO HOME.” He looked to the next person and held out his hand to receive their documents, then he looked to me and said, “I’m busy.”

I was extremely emotional at this point. Alone at the border. In 17 years of marriage I hadn’t felt alone. Now, I felt very alone. No money and no way to get money. No place to stay and Geoff was six hours away. It began to rain. I went to my bus and told them immigration wasn’t letting me in the country and to leave. I then walked a little way down to the police to see if they would plead my case to the immigration officer. They acted like I’d known the stamp wasn’t valid for travel and flatly told me I’d have to stay until I paid. I saw that my bus hadn’t budged and  I went to tell them again to leave. The rain was pouring down pretty heavy now and I was getting soaked from head to toe--which also translates to a lot of mud. I’d called Geoff and he was trying to help me calm down, but I was intensely angry. The inefficiency of the immigration department was severely stealing my peace by stranding me in an unfamiliar place and they not only had no compassion on me, but acted as if their refusal to collectively, properly perform their duty was my fault.

I was uncontrollably crying at this point. Geoff asked me to take the phone to the officer, but he refused to receive the phone saying he was busy. I could see no way out of this situation. Geoff decided he would try to drive the six hours to bring me the money and pick me up. This meant I would be sitting there in the dark with strangers as bus after bus sifted through until midnight.

 Not a happy situation.

One police officer said, “Just call someone to send you money.” He acted like it was so easy for me to get money because I was white, as if I had no reason to cry because money was easy to come by for me. I stopped short in explaining my situation because I could see that the reality of my dilemma was lost on him--he could only see a rich mzungu who hadn’t a care in the world and 

my tears were a confusion to him.

Another police officer and a passerby engaged in a conversation together about me. Not thinking I could understand what they were saying they shared freely their opinions to which I responded quite rudely, “If you want to know what is going on with me, ask ME, but don’t talk ABOUT me as if I can’t hear you.” To my surprise, the young gentlemen kindly apologized to me saying, “I’m very sorry.” His kindness made me realize how rude I’d been, but it didn’t keep me from being rude to the immigration officer whom I approached again with the phone so he could talk with Geoff. This time he received the phone, but only listened to half of what Geoff said before shoving the phone back in my hand. I made some comment as I walked away about how the man was the meanest and most uncaring I’d ever met. Those comments didn’t help the situation or make me feel any better, but my hatred for what was happening to me just kept producing venom.

This entire problem is an immigration issue. When we entered the country in October last year they gave us three months. We turned our passports in to the immigration department in January and are STILL waiting for my dependent’s pass on Geoff’s work visa. They delayed two months over the due date on Kevin and Acacia’s passes and when they finally granted theirs they back dated them AND charged us late fees. It seems they are playing the same game with mine. The late fees are hundreds of dollars on top of the hundreds we have to pay for the visa. When I realized that my passport being tied up in immigration was a hindrance for me traveling to help Aunt Ketty, I secured the extension, which I was told was valid for travel. 

Ha. 

Back to the border. Geoff and I were on the phone trying to work out what to do when I was approached by an employee of the bus company. He asked what was happening and I explained the situation. He told me to go with one of his representatives who would help me. All of my previous trips back and forth between buses and police officers took me past the money changers who were not shy about simply staring at the crying mzungu. Yet, when the bus company employee approached them about whether or not they could get me a $50 bill via mobile money, they were all ears. WHY HADN’T THEY SHOWN ME THE MONEY BEFORE??? They had seen what was going on, but never flashed anything but Ugandan and Kenyan shillings! Geoff was in Kiwoko at this point and said he would mobile money an amount equivalent to $50 to the money changer’s phone. Mobile money is a way that many people solve their crisis financial issues in this country, but my phone is not set up for the process. Thankfully, this shifting of Ugandan shillings via Geoff’s phone to the money changer’s phone took less than 5 minutes and I had a $50 bill in my hand and was on the way to the immigration officer’s window again. The compassionate officer quickly processed the stamp and handed me back my passport.

About an hour and a half after arriving at the border, and after a few more “Easy Coach” buses had arrived and departed, I managed to board the last Easy Coach of the night. I had cried so much and fretted so long that it took me a good hour to calm down. Looking out the window I was highly annoyed at “everything Ugandan” that my eyes fell upon. The cows and goats wandering chaotically in the town streets, carelessly driving boda boda and taxi drivers, people shuffling along dirt paths strewn with garbage, makeshift buildings with bent and torn sheet metal sides and roofs, and ladies lining the roadside with their sagiris full of roasting maize--set up amidst the dust and traffic. The dirt, dust, and basic survival mode of the environment disgusted me. I was ready to quit this country and I told Geoff so as we talked on the phone. I spoke with a raw harshness, “We come here to help care for the children they carelessly produce and then abandon and THIS is how they treat us!” He helped me with another perspective. “Mary, this is what we are here to combat. The sin that is so rampant in this society through corruption is what we are here to fight. We must expect opposition--it is the norm when you are fighting injustice.” I knew this intellectually, I just wish I could have responded without the intense anger when the injustice directly affected me! 

And this is what has bothered me ever since I cleared the border. I got sucked into the moment thinking I was fighting that mean, inefficient, uncaring immigration officer, the police and the people who stamped me with a bogus stamp the week before, rather than fighting the ultimate enemy of my life who enjoyed watching me squirm on a level I should have never engaged in. What happened to knowing that God is always with me and will never leave me--that because He is on my side, nothing can stand against me. What happened to trusting in Him in that moment? It disappoints me that I profess to trust Him in everything, but when that problem surfaced, I crumbled under it’s weight. And amidst it all I spoke some pretty rotten words to those who seemed to stand against me.

As I stared out the bus window smeared with the oils so profusely placed in the African hair that had leaned on it all day, I could only see the “stupid and ugly cows” and I struggled to gain peace. I feared I would not be able to regain my love for being in Uganda. And, to be honest, I haven’t fully regained it yet. It has been a week since that bus ride and border incident and I still feel quite wounded when I think of it. And truthfully, I could very easily quit this place and get on an airplane. But, as the week has progressed a softness and understanding has begun to rebuild in me. 

Begun, not completed.

When we traveled to Jinja a few days ago for the foreign staff retreat, I looked at the cows grazing aimlessly along the roadside and they didn’t seem so “stupid and ugly,” they were just cows doing what cows do. When we got home to our house after the retreat and I was greeted by the kids in David Family and the Okoth family and other random members of the New Hope Community, I realized afresh my love for the people of New Hope and the blessing it is to live here.

I still have an undercurrent of dissatisfaction and a disdain for the corrupt, inefficient systems that continue to crowd the halls of this society. If I think too long about them I begin to buy my ticket. So, I take it to the Lord in prayer and ask for His perspective and strength and peace.

It is a process and I pray earnestly that I will, in His strength, conquer anger and settle in peace again in this land.

And THAT, my friends, is the other side of “peachy keen.”

Update from Nairobi

Greetings from Nairobi! 

I have been here with Aunt Ketty since Saturday afternoon. On that day, soon after I arrived via 15-hour bus ride (!) Aunt Lucy introduced me to the guest house staff and gave me a very good tour of the place.  She had been cooking in the kitchen and knew all of the kitchen staff very well. They welcomed me with smiles and greetings. Since then I have cooked a few meals for Aunt Ketty alongside the staff. They are a joy!

I have met a variety of people from numerous countries who serve in very distant places. It has been a rich time of fellowship!

Aunt Ketty is doing very well overall. The medical staff at MP Shah Cancer Care Center are amazed that she continues to eat without problems. After three weeks of hard-hitting radiation treatments this is God's miracle! In fact, on Wednesday morning she said she thought perhaps she was developing a wound because it was becoming a bit more difficult to pass food. We prayed to God to clear any wounds and today she reports a vast improvement. The only pain medication she is on at this point is 500mg of Tylenol (Panadol) three times a day!

We met with the doctor Thursday and I found him to be friendly, caring, knowledgeable, thorough and kind. He took a great amount of time with Ketty and answered each and every question she had. I had also come with some questions and he was very gracious with his answers.

After we had left him I realized I had forgotten to ask something and when I returned he welcomed me and gave me another five minutes of his time. I am thankful to God that he led us here and that Ketty is receiving her care in a place where there are many believers.  Her chemotherapy nurse is a sincere believer and they enjoy sharing together when they meet on Fridays.

Here are the news details from yesterday and today:

--Weight: Ketty is 49kg. This is down 1kg from 3 weeks ago, but is to be expected. The doctor did not see a serious problem especially since she is still eating 3 meals a day and a few snacks in between. She just doesn't eat her normal amount at each meal, but her nutrition is balanced.  

--The doctor prescribed a lozenge to soothe Ketty's esophagus if wounds begin to disturb her. 

--The chemotherapy is beginning to cause extra noise in her ears.  He assured her today that this will subside once the chemotherapy is finished. Possibly it could take a month to fully dissipate.

--Ketty was given a 30 day stay at the Kenyan border, but the doctor said he will write a letter explaining the reason for her extended stay. A border guard assured me when I crossed over that such a letter will be sufficient for a supportive document.

--The chemotherapy that she is receiving now over the five weeks of this first round of treatment is what the doctor termed a "radiation sensitizer" meaning it maximizes the effect of the radiation. This is not an amount of chemo that kills the cancer, however. So, at the end of these five weeks, and after a month off back in Uganda, Ketty will return to Nairobi for evaluation.  

--The evaluation will include an endoscopy with biopsy. Even if the biopsy comes out clean of cancer, she will undergo a second round of chemotherapy. This second round will be two different drugs, different from what she's just received. They are carboplatin/paclitaxol and they are designed to kill any lurking, lingering, hiding cancer cells. The most likely schedule for the next round is 1st week: chemotherapy, 2nd week: monitoring blood work, 3rd-4th weeks: rest. This same cycle will repeat 6 times. If she begins in July, she will finish toward the end of November. Of course this also means a lot of traveleing back and forth and all the chemo side-effects thrown in there, too. Being praying for us as we work out the details!

--If the endoscopy does not come out clean, they will also do brachiotherapy which is targeted radiation placed in a "pipe" and inserted in her esophagus. It will only touch the specific areas where lesions remain. 

--He continues to agree that she is not a candidate for surgery due to the placement of the cancer in the middle of her esophagus.

Today was our LONG day. We left at 7 a.m. and our first stop was the lab for her blood draw.  Her labs have looked fairly good so far, but today showed some wear and tear. Her white cells were significantly down so I will give her an injection tomorrow afternoon which will boost her white cell production. One of our David Family sons lives here in Nairobi at present and he visited us last Sunday. Unfortunately, we had to tell him he couldn't come this Sunday for another visit due to her low white count. 

Following the labs, we reported to chemotherapy where we spent 7 hours and then finished with radiation. Last week she began having trouble breathing after her radiation due to the cold nature of the radiation room. She got an inhaler and has not has that struggle at all this week. Today's nurse turned the AC off in the room while Ketty was being treated and she did very well. 

Unfortunately, it took us 2 hours to get home after we were finished due to hectic Nairobi traffic.

If any of you heard about the bomb blasts in Nairobi, I want to assure you that we are fine. The blasts were on the other side of town. We also heard from our David Family son and he also is fine.

She was really shivering last night, which is mostly the cold Nairobi night air, but is also partly because of a descending red blood cell count. We will remedy that with more roast beef and greens, as well as an iron supplement prescribed today.

Yesterday marked her third week complete and we celebrated with banana bread with a sparkly number 3 candle placed on top, balloons, streamers and all the cards that she's received strung all over the room.  I think I wore her out!

Thanks for waiting so long for this update, but truthfully, she is doing so well and continues to stand in such strong faith, there wasn't much news to report until we met with the doctor today! As I post this she is in tears of joy praying to her Father God, thanking Him for His goodness to her!

Thanks for your prayers and text messages. She truly loves all the messages on facebook and the cards you've sent!

Thanks also for your financial support. With another round being a sure thing now, we realize we're going to need much more than we originally thought. Unfortunately, I don't know the exact amount.

Blessings to each one of you!!!!!

Mary

Life as usual

Life as usual...What does that really mean?  Life in Uganda can really keep a person guessing, what is coming next?  But honestly that is one of the things I love so much about it.  Ordinary life, filled with change, challenges, opportunities really forces you to walk by faith.  This week has been no different.  Mary has been in Kenya caring for Ketty since Friday and we have been appreciating her all the more in her absence.  You really don’t know how much you appreciate someone and what they do until they are not around.  In our 17 years of marriage the number of times Mary has been away from us for an extended amount of time have been few.  This has been a VERY busy season with many different activities falling one on top of another and Mary absence has added a degree of difficulty.  But we praise God that in the midst of all the activity God’s faithfulness has continued to shine.  

This week I have been leading a 3 day seminar on biblical manhood & womanhood with our Investment Year Students.  IY is a fantastic program that New Hope is running, our students that have completed S4 (10th grade) take a year out of their typical education for this program.  IY is year of intensive discipleship, practical life skills training and job experience before they go into their future.  Working with the CSD team, we were able to unveil God’s plan for our young men and young women according to how God has made them.  Understanding biblically who God has made me to be is freeing and so many of our young people are battling cultural expectations, peer pressure and navigating the challenge of determining who they are and where they are going.  

We had 32 young people who range from 16-22 years of age for 3 full days.  Walking through the bible and honestly looking at our manhood/womanhood from God’s point of view.  It was powerful, though not with resistance.  Many of them have fallen into traps that culture, media or non-biblical opinions have brought into their lives.  The cultural view of woman and their value really seemed to bind many of the young men we were teaching.  We feel strongly that much of the orphan crisis is rooted in this message and the lack of understanding of God’s plan.  Please continue to pray for these young people as we strive to raise them up in a biblical world view and His plan for them.  

Oh yeah, I also had my first ct-scan from Uganda as part of my follow up monitoring post cancer.  As far as the radiologist here saw things were normal, we have sent the disks with the scans on them to the Doctor who so faithfully treated us in Long Beach.  But praise God that I continue to remain strong and free to live life and pursue God’s plan for us here in Uganda.

Manual labor...feels good

Picking friends from the airport

Kevin entertaining friends

I am here!

Here I am in Nairobi of all places!

It was a 15 hour bus ride, in part because of the safe driving of the driver! He drove very slowly and never overtook unless it was very safe to do so. For that I am grateful! We arrived at the border exiting Uganda around 3a.m. And entered Kenya about an hour later. After standing in line for an entrance visa I looked around for the "facilities" and found only locked latrines amidst darkness. The border guard suggested I go "just behind there" to ease myself. "Behind there" was the darkness beyond a row of lorries and containers to which I said "no way!" a woman alone venturing into that darkness???? "I can hold it!" apparently he was more compassionate than I supposed him to be as he pleaded my case to the driver who stopped the bus just for me only a few minutes further down the road. I was called off by the conductor who lead me to the washrooms. "How embarrassing" I thought to myself, "the whole bus knows where I'm going, truly I could have held it!" but, when i exited the latrine I found a line of my fellow bus passengers waiting their turn. I guess instead of being embarrassed I should have been happy to have been the catalyst for others' relief!
The ride was a bit uncomfortable, but not impossible. At 2p.m. I arrived at the designated stage and finally met Aunt Lucy, who said she was alone.  Suddenly as we were loading the taxi, aunt Ketty came jumping up behind me and gave me a wonderful big hug with lots of joy-filled squeals. They had tricked me into thinking Aunt Lucy was alone!  Aunt Ketty did not look or act like a cancer patient. She looks healthier than 3 weeks ago for sure! And her energy as she related a conversation from today with a guest house worker shows that at every opportunity she is continuing to share the gospel. She freely also shares each day at the hospital. Her treatment is coming along very well as she is improving with every day. She spends every day mon-fri getting treatment and is sleeping well at night without pain. The one struggle this week was a mild asthma attack dispute to the cold temperature of the radiation room. After using an inhaler, she was fine.

Once back at the guest house they fed us our saved lunch and as we laughed together, a woman greeted us as she poured a cup of tea. We learned she is also from Uganda. She is on her way to Ethiopia to train some people to work with the scripture union.  As she walked away Lucy said, "safe journey, Beth!" and I suddenly realized I knew her. No, I had never met her, but another missionary had forwarded me the blog address about three months ago of two dear friends who are working in Kampala with scripture union. In some of their blogs they talk of the sweet blessing they have found in co-worker, Beth. I was extremely impressed with the heart of this woman, Beth, of whom I'd read, and now, in God's timing I am meeting her in person in Nairobi! But, that brief meeting was not all, but she ended up at our table for dinner! 

departures, arrivals, prayers, wonderings, HERE WE GO!

I wrote a great blog on Saturday.  It's still on Geoff's iPad. Since Saturday morning when I finished the post, we've had a total amount of one hour of scattered government power. Usually that is not an issue for us because we have a great solar set up. HOWEVER, our five-year old solar batteries have finally bit the dust, so Geoff took part of the system to Kampala last week. Without solar and without government power we have no booster for the internet, thus no way to send/receive emails, post on Facebook or post a blog.

Over the course of the past two weeks while Aunt Ketty and Kimberly have been in Kenya getting Ketty's cancer treatments in Nairobi, we have been involved in quite a variety of activities.

Acacia is holding the P2P weekend material

Acacia and I got away to Entebbe for a Passport 2 Purity weekend. We left Friday afternoon, stopped in Kampala to choose and order new glasses for her (she's been getting a lot of headaches while reading), got to Entebbe around 7 p.m., checked into the Karibu guesthouse and went to our favorite Entebbe restaurant, Faze 3. We listened to our first and second Passport 2 Purity sessions Friday night, but had to finally say adios to the dvd player around 11 p.m. The next morning we had a lovely breakfast while visiting with the owner of the guesthouse and then it was session 3 before we headed off to the Lake Vic pool to swim. It was sweet to hear Acacia comment that the pool was not as much fun with "just the girls"! Apparently, her brothers jump off the diving boards WAY more than I do. 

Enjoying fries and tea at the Lake Vic!

We returned to the guesthouse to listen to session 4 and then off it was to the new Victoria Mall to pick up her reading glasses. We found a beautiful newly built mall complete with frozen yogurt, of which we had to partake! YUM. YUM. ouch. ouch.--the price was astronomical! It was a good thing I was only focusing on the FUN part of frozen yogurt and not the wallet crunch as I was ordering!

Finishing up our last session on the veranda of our room at the Karibu guesthouse

Back to the guesthouse to finish up with our last session and then out to a light dinner. The weekend was truly beautiful. I am so thankful that the Family Life Today organization has put together this material for parents who want to wisely guide their children through the throes of the teen years. Some of the topics seemed a bit "above" her level of experience, but she now has an arsenal of pre-made decisions regarding the tough temptations that may bombard her in the years to come, and for that I am grateful!

 Geoff has been swamped by this and that. Lots of teaching, preaching, meetings, mentoring, maize mill  involvement and helping to build a cement ramp with the boys in our family group! Yes, David family is home to Hasan's house which cares for Hassan and other CP kids who need a ramp to enter our family dining area.

On Friday evening we said goodbye to Aunt Lucy, our David family mother, who went to Nairobi to care for Aunt Ketty. Aunt Kimberly had been there for two weeks and needed to come back for some time off and to work in the clinic again.

I will relieve Aunt Lucy this weekend by traveling on Friday night beginning at 11 p.m. The "scary bus" will reach the Ugandan/Kenyan border around 3 a.m. at which time I will need to exit the bus, walk through immigration to show my passport and pay a $50 bill for tourist entry to Kenya. I call it the "scary bus" because you would too, if you could see how those things hog the road. The old phrase my Dad used to say about us kids running through the house like a "bull in a china shop" comes to mind when I venture back through my memories of seeing the buses driving (hoarding) the Ugandan roads.  But, God is bigger than a bus, and in control above and beyond the skills of the bus driver! I venture forth, no fear!

I'm ripe for an adventure. This should be good.

I will arrive Saturday afternoon the 10th and stay until Sunday morning the 18th. I will accompany Aunt Ketty to her radiation and chemo treatments and make sure she is eating and drinking enough. I'm sure there will be laundry to do and possibly I will get some time to write while Aunt Ketty rests. My main challenge will be to ensure the paper work gets filed for an extension to Aunt Ketty's stay. It seems the border attendants only gave her 30 days on a visa, but her treatment and recovery could extend to 6 weeks. I hope to get her a new visa in the week I am there. Prayers would be lovely as this is a tight time frame!!!

Prayers also are appreciated for Geoff and the kids. Geoff has a very full week during the week I am gone. He will be teaching the IY group of kids for two solid days and attending their sessions while another staff member teaches the third day. All this with the business of an unattended maize mill attempts to function (our current manager is no longer current, having left to secure other employment in Kampala.) Our kids will be in school that week, but Sam is still on holiday. It's been nice to be a part of his holidays, but being gone will not afford me that. I will also miss taking Aziza back to school. So, pray for me, the kids, Geoff, David Family and the Okoth Family. We all need God's hand upon us during these times!

I will take up the Ketty Okoth Cancer Updates while I am in Kenya, but will send them to Kimberly who will post them to her blog. You can continue to find out the latest by clicking on "Ketty Okoth Cancer Updates" on our favorites list here on this blog site.

As I travel across the border and return to the first African country I ever lived in, I'm sure there will be some surreal moments. I have already been told by Kimberly to sit on the right side of the bus so that I will have a pristine view of the Rift Valley as we travel through it. I am excited. So many sites to soak in. So much to process. So many of you to thank for your generosity that makes Ketty's treatment a possibility! THANK YOU!!!  As I travel I hope to snap some shots of the beauty of Uganda and Kenya, but until I have those new snaps,  I will leave you with some of what I see almost monthly here.

Since it's spring for most of you, some lovely flowers are a timely offering ! It is only $4 for a lovely bouquet and that makes it VERY hard for me to resist getting an arrangement when I'm in town!

Vehicles here have the most interesting sayings painted on them!!! A word to those who plot " less than ideal" events for others!

Until I find a better one, this sign ranks as my absolute favorite!!!!! Haven't frequented this place as I prefer my massages sans fracture and bone dislocation!!!