Struggling to Breathe in A Holy Gathering Place

There is a young man across the room from me at the moment. The room is our sitting room or living room or family room or den, whatever you were raised calling such a place where people gather to visit, talk, laugh, cry, pray, read, etc.

For the past three and half days he has gathered himself in our such room.

His entrance into our lives began many years ago when he was much shorter, smaller and perhaps just a bit more innocent--though innocent is quantified here in amount, not quality. He is now simply years farther into his poor choices and thus any supposed positive quality to his state of innocence has been further depleted over the course of time.

The same could be said of all of us who exist somewhere along the continuum of sin. Many of you reading this have the overwhelming privilege of salvation which has renewed your state of innocence before your Creator. This young man has not yet experienced that privilege as his own.

Last Thursday he showed up. That's what he does. He shows up. We know not when or where nor length of time in between installments of his presence, but we can be sure that he will find his way to our house.

Actually, he has become a more frequent visitor since last month when he solidified his choice to stop attending secondary school. At that point he became not only a frequent visitor to our home, but also to Geoff's office, the Early Adulthood Office, where young men and women of New Hope are guided into their future via life counseling and assistance in further education be that vocational or academic pursuits.

He has few family members, no mother or father. His brothers are all older and most often live away from their houses, as they've chosen to work in other cities or villages. This young man has been left to fend for himself over the years. When the brothers happen to be present there is little to speak of any good relationship between them and the young man. Both sides play roles in this relational deficiency, no brother in this scenario could be absolved of sin against the others--them of neglect toward him and he of disrespect toward them. The situation is close to hopeless.

When he showed up last Thursday he had medicines and a clinic sheet in his hands, stating that he felt "malaria," which can mean, real malaria or just a headache. I probed deeper and what he described were classic symptoms of real malaria. The clinic staff recommendation, given he tested negative that day for malaria, was for him to see how he felt over the course of the next few days and return if he worsened. I made sure he understood the medicines given him and encouraged him to return to the clinic if needed.

Being that we were taking a short break in the middle of a packed homeschool day, we shared break snacks with him and he went on his way.

Friday morning he showed up at our dining room table at 7:30 looking a bit more sick and reporting a night of vomiting. With the clinic not opening until 9 a.m. and an impending French test looming over our heads, I started him on malaria treatment, gave him tylenol, fed him the little he said he could eat, and made some ORS (Oral Rehydration Solution) for him to begin drinking. Then we all disappeared from the house and settled into our school banda as the French teacher and the test had arrived.

Each time we had need to re-enter the house we found him deep asleep on the couch, unaware of our nearness to him despite our loud noises.

He ate very little lunch, but at least continued drinking fluids. At 2 p.m. I noticed his breathing was becoming labored. He was posturing himself to maximize air flow and a nice juicy, painful cough became more frequent.

At this point Geoff was about two hours away from the house having spent Thursday and Friday in Kampala getting, among other things, another CT scan completed. CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH, BY THE WAY--NO SIGN OF CANCER!!!

I had no way to get this very weak young man to the Kiwoko hospital down the road, so I kept my eye on him until Geoff arrived.

A storm was coming, the sky blackened, the wind kicked up everything in its path and I truly wondered if the young man would make it until Geoff arrived with the car.

As Geoff pulled up the hail showered down and I had to abandoned the patient temporarily as I frantically shut windows against the rain blowing 2-3 feet into the rooms.

I briefed Geoff as he unloaded the car. Geoff agreed that he didn't look good and a fever of 107.9 confirmed it! As the storm raged we sponged him down with a cool cloth, gave him more tylenol and pushed the ORS. When the storm let up we both went with him to the hospital.

A number of tests were run, but results were delayed so we all came back home and spent until yesterday afternoon not knowing what foreign invader we were dealing with, but pumping fluids and tylenol into him. Finally, yesterday afternoon's results ruled out some heavy hitting diseases and found a raging infection which we are now blasting with IV antibiotics.

I was up a couple of times in the night to make sure we stayed ahead of his fever with tylenol and fluids. (He had spiked in the 106 and 105 ranges last evening!)

This morning we decided I needed to stay home with him while the family went to the church service (Geoff is leading today and Toby is running the sound board.)

Thankfully, he is doing much better this morning, but is still fairly weak. I didn't want him to sink into a day on the couch with nothing to fill his heart and mind, so I fished out of the DVD shelf a Louie Giglio series someone gave us in 2013 in Long Beach.

Have you seen, "How Great is Our God"? You need to if you haven't.

Louie seemingly spoke directly to this young man who has been struggling to breathe for a little more than 24 hours when he said that God promises: "When you think you can't take one more breath, I'll give you enough to keep going. And enough to keep going on, and enough to keep going on, and to keep going and to keep going, and to keep going. You keep hoping and I'll keep causing strength to rise when you hope. And you'll feel like you have been swept up on the wings of eagles and you will run and not get weary and walk through it all and not faint. HE said I will hold you. Even when you let go of Me I'm not going to let go of you. . . We will never, not be carried by the strong hand of a universe-making God and He will bring us through. That is the promise of the everlasting God!"

I noticed a body response from the couch as he heard these words and could directly relate it to his current circumstance.

We finished watching the DVD and he was shaken, but not in a feverish state. It was the spirit of God impacting him with the truth.  I asked him if he believed that God cared about Him, that God made him and is giving him every breath of life. He responded, "yes." And we prayed together thanking God for life and breath and His care.

The room was very quiet and heavy with the real stuff of life--God's presence and His truth ordaining our lives.

He wanted to watch more, so we watched, "Symphony," which is an incredible journey through God's creation and how all of His creation praises Him.

I am grateful for this opportunity to care for this young man. To give Him truth, To be a point of place where he can experience God's love and care through His people.

He continues slowly to improve, by the way. His breathing has stabilized and his fevers have been non-existent as the day has progressed.

It is these kind of interruptions to life that reawaken me to the reality of the needs in our community. Fatherless children become wayward young men. But, in these opportunities to show love, care, truth and compassion, perhaps he will see what he has yet failed to embrace all of his years at New Hope.

O Lord, let Him truly see YOU. And grant us more opportunities to offer him a holy gathering place where He sees your love in action and is able to receive in himself the ability to breathe You in without struggle.

The Connection

I was recently reading John 20 where Jesus talks to the disciples after appearing to their company of hiders for fear of the Jews.

They have bona fide fear--the Jews killed their leader and Lord and they had to wonder if they were going to be next. Mixed up with fear must have been hatred, anger and desire for revenge.

He immediately addresses their deepest need with, "peace be with you." Peace annihilates the tensile bonds of our failure to let go of our struggle against anxiety and the fallout of sins others have committed against us or those we love.

He continues,  "As the father has sent me so I am sending you," and he breathed on them.

Of course. They would need His peace first before being sent out by Him. They couldn't go out in His name without true peace. For crying out loud, they were wallowing in turmoil as evident by their inability to even go out, hence their hiding.

They couldn't reveal the truth of who He is in their state--mixed bags of fear, hatred, anger and maybe even a more than healthy desire for revenge. He is none of that nonsense.

And what else did he say was needed?  His Holy Spirit. "Receive the Holy Spirit, if you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven." Surely they cannot move as true disciples of Him, if they attempt to do so without His Spirit.

And what reason does He give here for their need of the Holy Spirit?

To exact forgiveness.

This word, forgiveness--it has been catalyst for many lengthy journal entries, intense prayers and pleadings, watershed moments of surrender to His ways and the sudden rush of release from the chains of trying to play God in other people's lives, while refusing to allow Him to be God of mine. And again today, seeing this word produced another turning point in going deeper still in Him.

My eyes were opened to notice His instruction on forgiveness falling immediately after His directive to receive the Holy Spirit.

This connection powerfully hit me.
I got a clearer understanding as to why Jesus would say in Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." This has always seemed such a harsh, unbending statement. In context, it is not. It is simply another Kingdom reality. If His spirit lives in me, I must let Him LIVE IN ME! If He forgives, and He most definitely forgives, I MUST forgive.

He has breathed on us His Holy Spirit. God, who loves and is just and therefore, through the genuine justice bought by Jesus' sacrifice, forgives. In order to refuse to forgive we must suppress His Holy Spirit in us. That most certainly must be the perfect definition of grieving the Holy Spirit.

How can his Spirit thrive in us if we continually work to suffocate Him rendering Him without rule?

When I defiantly choose to NOT forgive when His Holy Spirit lives in me, I reveal a self-centered, skewed perspective, not God's perspective, and in doing so I quench His Spirit.

Should I be surprised then at Christ's strong words regarding God's response to our acts of forgiveness or the lack thereof?

What has God Himself done for us? Forgiven.

His Spirit living in us means His ways become our ways. If we do not allow His Spirit to live out His ways in us we are working against Him. "Those not for us are against us."

Who am I that I refuse to forgive others? His very own Holy Spirit lives in me. Yet, I cannot show any evidence of His life in me when I instead foster a fertile environment for the bitterness incurred with the failure to forgive.

Matthew 18 was the pivotal point of my understanding of God's ultimate forgiveness--MANY years after I thought I understood salvation and forgiveness.

In that passage Jesus tells us of a powerful master who forgave the massive debt of one of his servants. It was a debt he would never have been able to pay in his lifetime--never mind how he came by that debt or the incredible stupidity involved in incurring the weight of something beyond repayment, yet forgiven and relieved is how he suddenly found himself.

And what did he do for immediate celebration of his freedom?

He continued in his stupidity.

With the lightness of newfound release still fresh in his being, he picked up his old shackles and threw them, with perfect aim, onto someone who owed him a paltry sum and, amidst angry words and threats, threw him in jail.

All my "valid" reasons for withholding forgiveness from those who deeply hurt me suddenly are without power and my ridiculous pride over thinking I have any justification for withholding forgiveness is exposed. The reality of God forgiving me for my heinous acts drains the power from any reason to not forgive.

Who am I to fail to forgive?

God has forgiven my debt which I could never, ever, ever, ever, repay. I have sinned against the LORD over all, the Creator, the King. Yet, he lovingly holds out His forgiveness as I acknowledge the blood sacrifice of His Son bringing me life amidst justice.

Who am I to grab someone else in a chokehold of unforgiving anger? Stupid, absolutely asinine.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8

You! Go Bathe!

Early on Sunday mornings Geoff grabs a basket, a metal bowl and about a kilo of beans for sorting, then he heads out to the porch to sit in the sunshine while he starts the bean prep for lunch. A couple of weeks ago, while making my REQUIRED java, (decaf mind you, another "I'm now over 50" story for another time . . .) I heard a voice other than Geoff's at 7 :15 and found Kakande, firmly planted in the chair next to him, talking and laughing. Bubbly, our black lab mutt, never wanting to be left out of anything, had also joined them.

I tell you with confidence that you do not have the up close and personal knowledge with which to absolutely appreciate God's miraculous work that was occupying the plastic lawn chair across from Geoff. So, let me fill in your cavernous knowledge gaps.

We arrived at New Hope Uganda only 8.5 years ago. The founders of New Hope arrived 29 years ago. Twenty-Nine years ago Kakande was already of full grown size, yet of minimal mindset and a complete inability to care for himself. Truthfully, he scared young children and adults both with his unpredictable behavior and unkempt appearance. He "lived" with his grandmother two villages away from New Hope, but wandered all the nearby villages, neglected and also frequently abused by many. He had a harsh demeanor and usually only showed up for food. One of the nurses in the clinic followed him as closely as was possible with all his other nursing responsibilities, but there were still long absences in which we didn't know where he was or what was happening to him. A little more than eight years ago, our veranda became one of his chosen landing places. Whenever we had bananas, we shared. He didn't talk he just sat: disheveled, smelly, covered either with wounds or with bandages (depending on whether or not he'd already been to the clinic that day) and he drank tea, ate bananas, smacked his lips and belched.
Our kids, then 2, 3, and 4 didn't know what to make of him, but they would say hello and move about their toddler business acutely aware of his presence. We attempted to talk with him, but between our small amount of polished Luganda and his lack of enunciation, we didn't usually say much. And that was about the extent of our interaction with him.

2009. The year everything began to change for Kakande. One of the most beloved blessings to ever set foot on New Hope soil is Kate Tolhurst. She came with her humongous heart for those with special needs and over the course of the past five plus years has built a special needs program called, "Treasures in Jars of Clay." Among the many she serves is Kakande. Long story, somewhat shorter, Kakande is now a permanent part of the New Hope Community. In 2012 a small room was completed for him where he has his own bed and a place for his clothes and his radio. He fetches water each and every day for the special needs program and Aunt Kate's house. He likes to help us in our gardens from time to time. He loves to make tea in the afternoons at Aunt Kate's house and he attends David Family devotions most nights in the week. He is gentle with the young ones and loves to worship God. He talks to all of us now A LOT, though with very limited vocabulary and many slurred words, and HIS SMILE, oh, his smile is amazing! Every once in awhile he will spend  his own money on buying treats for the other special needs kids. Even though they can't eat what he brings due to their physical condition--it is his huge heart that fills them with the nutrients of love.

One who used only to beg for food now gives freely. One who had few clothes and all of them dirty and torn, now is properly clean-clothed.  Though, he still has a fairly narrow focus: his primary seemingly insatiable desire is food! He loves food! He is fed three meals and snacks everyday, but his nose can still keenly track roasting meat. He visits our house EVERY DAY at some point and usually that point is during a meal time. His draw to food is only broken by the sound of a motor vehicle moving. If he hears ours or another van moving he comes running to be a part of the ride! When Geoff had a motorbike, he wanted to go wherever Geoff was going, ALL THE TIME. Sometimes we just rode him around the yard because the smile on his face was an easy reward.

And we have witnessed first hand the therapeutic effect animals have on the physically and mentally challenged. Though Kakande cannot clearly speak our dog's name, "Bubbly" he tries with "Buppy!" he loves to pet her, and though she does not always allow him to, he greets her anyway.

I laughed out loud that Sunday when he, Bubbly and Geoff were on the porch together. Kakande, formerly unkempt and smelly, was instructing, "Buppy! Okunaba!!!"  (Bubbly, go bathe!)

The contrast between Kakande then and Kakande now is only one of the many ways this ministry is making a difference in the community. Thank you for your support of New Hope Uganda. Together we are making a difference. www.newhopeuganda.org

"Buppy okunaba!" directs Kakande as he takes a gander in Bubbly's ear

Kakande tries to assure Bubbly that having a bath won't be as bad as she expects it to be.

Bubbly shoots a begging, pleading glance Geoff's way--trying to weasel out of the inevitable scrub!

The Latest on Ketty

Dear friends of Aunt Ketty Okoth,

Our meeting with the oncologist began at 7:45 p.m. last night in Kampala. I had the CT scans and written report in my hands at 2 p.m., but the words of the radiologist were ambiguous so I kept my numerous thoughts to myself and didn't share them with Aunt Ketty as I didn't want to speak out of turn.

When we walked out of International Hospital Kampala after 8:30 last night we were beside ourselves with emotion. It had been a very long day. I had been awake since 3:15 a.m.and left for Kampala at 5 a.m., Geoff had taught in Kampala the day before to the Investment Year students and had stayed in town overnight, and Ketty had traveled to town with the Vogt family yesterday who took her to lunch to celebrate God's miracle work in her body--even before any of us knew actual CT results. 

The oncologist's words included: "remarkable improvement", "dramatic", "remarkable response to radiation", and as he provided details in medical terms of what he saw I noticed Ketty's glazed over look. She was not comprehending what was being said. She stopped him and started, "Doctor, forgive me, but if we could go back a little and review, what are you saying? Am I healed of the cancer?" To which he replied, "Yes, Ketty, you have responded well to the radiation and chemotherapy and it appears that the esophagus has no more cancer, and though there is a small spot on the brain, it is most likely scar tissue."  Ketty asked, "So, what does that mean? Are we done? What about my liver and abdomen?" He then gave her the good news that no sign of cancer was seen in any of the organs. Her face was unchanged except for her big eyes and raised eyebrows. She then breathed deeply, shook her head, clapped her hands and said, "God, be praised." The doctor reminded her of their words together before her being sent to Nairobi last November regarding expecting God to continue His healing in her. And so He has! The follow-up plan is to perform CT scans every six months unless she is experiencing symptoms warranting an earlier check. 

On the way home she called her family and I sent notification texts of the great news. Geoff simply tried to drive as safely as possible given that we were caught in Kampala Friday night jams and then were traveling in village darkness coupled with bright oncoming headlights until we reached home around 11:30 p.m. Some of her children and her husband were still awake and enthusiastically greeted her as we pulled up to their home. We fell into bed well after midnight, full of thanksgiving.

THANK YOU for you financial support, your prayers, your messages of encouragement to Ketty and her family and your faith in the LORD GOD's goodness! Please continue to pray for her body to remain free of cancer in the future. 

The follow-up CT scans cost $300 and each doctor consultation appointment costs $30 with transport at $65. Our first follow-up appointment is March 6 and is simply for her to meet with the doctor to discuss her progress. If you desire to be a part of the financial support for these costs you may send monies to New Hope Uganda Ministries, P.O. Box 154  Belle Fourche, South Dakota, 57717 designating it for the Ketty Cancer Fund on a separate piece of paper.

Thank you all so much for your amazing support throughout this journey!!!!!

Building Boys

This post is mainly for the grandparents, uncles and aunties.  There is no deep philosophical thought or update from the ministry here today. Just a few pictures for the family.

After four very full days of school work, various daily chores, baby sitting and a morning French lesson, the boys settled into building their own unique creations. Toby went for the "Dangerous Book for Boys" as his inspiration, while Kevin got to work on some "Chima" Legos pieces.

Toby: making sure he fixes the electric connection just right

Taping up his creation. He took a metal math set container and transformed it into an enclosed "pocket flashlight box" 

Kevin watches intently as Toby puts on the finishing touches.

Then Kevin pulled his legos onto the couch and finished constructing what he'd started this morning.

He finished all the figures required for the story and has enjoyed setting them up for adventure throughout the afternoon.

Another Ketty update

Dear Friends,

This is the quickest follow-up to an "Aunt Ketty Update" I have written since we started this journey!  At last writing I stated that she would have two more chemotherapy treatments and CT scans. However, upon completion of her most recent chemotherapy on January 23rd, her oncologist informed her that there would not be another chemotherapy treatment mid-February, but instead there would be three CT scans (brain, chest, abdomen) completed next Friday, February 6th.

We are considering this good news and spurs another specific prayer request. Please pray that there would be no sign of cancer on any of the scans. With clear scans, her chemotherapy treatment will be considered finished and she will enter the cancer-free stage. Of course, there will be periodic scans and blood work to check that her status remains cancer-free, but the difficult portion of the journey will be complete. So, I sincerely request that you remember her this week in your prayers. 

We have requested from the doctor some clarity on whether or not all three scans can be completed in one day or if we might need to begin a day or two earlier than the 6th. Last time Ketty was told by the techs that she could not undergo more than one scan a day due to the toxic levels of contrast material required for more than one scan. 

Your prayers are appreciated!! Again, we'll keep you up to date. 

Ketty has weathered this recent round very well and will be getting some blood drawn on Friday to check her progress. She continues to be overwhelmed by the support you have given her.

At this point I do not know exactly what we will need financially. When I have more specifics I will inform you.

THANK YOU,

Mary Britton

Latest Update on Aunt Ketty

DEAR PATIENT FRIENDS,

You are our friends that are not “patients” but friends that have patience!!!!! At least I hope you have been waiting patiently for this Ketty Okoth update! Please forgive us for the great delay!

Our nurse Kimberly and Ketty spent almost three weeks in Nairobi, Kenya, late November and early December where Ketty received cranial radiation treatments followed by chemotherapy. Our original plan was to send Ketty’s husband, Okoth, and their daughter Millie to Nairobi at some point in the treatment. However, the treatment duration was short enough that by the time they could travel, there were only a few days left of her treatment course. She responded very well physically to these treatments. Signs and symptoms from the tumors were mostly non-existent upon return from Nairobi, and with a steady rise in strength, she continues without external signs or symptoms of brain cancer activity. A follow-up CT has not yet been performed, though a complete bone scan was completed in Nairobi showing her bones to be free of disease.

The week before Christmas she suffered from a serious respiratory infection, but recovered completely enough to have a second round of post-radiation chemo on January 2nd. She is currently slated to have a 3rd round of chemotherapy next Friday (January 23rd) and a 4th somewhere around February 13th followed by a CT scan.

Her faith has remained strong and she continues to be an encouragement to others. Because Kimberly is currently in the United States, and our clinic staff has reduced by two nurses this year, I personally have been making the daily rounds to obtain her vital signs and check on her progress. So, I have first hand knowledge of the great encourager she is!!! No visit goes by without a mention of the goodness of God. No visit is completed before she has expressed her faith in His hand on her life. And frequently we read His word together and pray before I take my leave from her each day.

Please continue praying with us for her healing. She has proven over and over that the miracle healing of God is reality, and we continue to hope and pray for her complete healing. 

Up to this point in our journey, finances have consistently been enough. This is significant as her total care to this point has cost more than $20,000! Thank you to those of you who have given to the Ketty Cancer Fund. Each chemotherapy round requires roughly $1000 for everything: accommodation, transportation, medicines, hospital fees and follow-up care. In her cancer care fund we currently have about $2000 with two more treatments due and a CT scan. I am not sure of the exact nature of the CT evaluation, whether or not it will be just of the head or also of other parts of the body, so I am unable to give an expected cost at this point. We hope to know more in a few weeks.

I am hopeful that she will completely recover. Her dream is to be able to share her miracle story throughout Uganda. She is passionate about others hearing of the great love, compassion and power of our God. Please pray with us that she would be able to realize this dream.

Also, please continue to pray for her family. The children will be starting school in two weeks. They have enjoyed being on holiday while having their mom around all day every day and are hopeful for her healing. Uncle Okoth remains hopeful for his wife’s healing, but is even more encouraged when receiving messages of your prayers and faith. 

Thank you for standing with the Okoth family! 

Most sincerely and with thankfulness,

Mary Britton